Tina K. Russell

November 1, 2008

Of echidnas and columnists

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — Tina Russell @ 11:30 am

I was doodling in class the other day when I realized this odd similarity:

On the left is New York Times columnist Bob Herbert. On the right is Angel Island standard-bearer and Master Emerald guardian Knuckles The Echidna. I now know where that brow comes from… Bob Herbert is secretly an echidna.

This made me consider further a critical election-year issue: what if the Sonic characters were New York Times columnists? Sonic would be the quick-on-his-feet, wise-cracking Frank Rich. Tails would be the prescient, detail-oriented Paul Krugman. Amy would be the bubbly Gail Collins, while Rouge would be the alluring and vacuous Maureen Dowd.

I’m still trying to match Kristof, Friedman, and Brooks. For Kristof, I can’t think of a Sonic character quite so coolheaded, even if his realistic idealism runs deep in the Green Hill Zone. For Friedman, I need someone with good ideas but has all the articulation and substance of a broken record. (Perhaps Omega: “Observation: world is flat. Recommend course of action: innovate out of crisis. Allocate six more months before additional decision-making.”) For Brooks, I need someone who is intelligent but paints the world around him in overly broad strokes, is convinced that his opinions are that of the vaunted “average man,” and often loses himself in the layers of his arbitrary abstractions. (Perhaps Shadow: “I must avenge Maria! The real issue is one of revenge versus the concept of restitution in evolving 20th century mores! This election will come down to whether the average voter prefers Chaos Control over Chaos Blast!”)

I do not, of course, need to tell you about William Kristol. What other bald man wants to export his vision of a perfect world through military might abroad? If he begins growing a moustache or hoarding small, cute forest animals, you may want to alert Frank Rich. Tell him to bring Krugman along.

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