Tina K. Russell

August 17, 2008

Lice, lice, baby

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , — Tina Russell @ 3:45 pm

I have bugs on my head. Head lice is extremely unpleasant. I’m not sure I can describe it to you; just imagine lots of tiny gray-brown bugs crawling, mating, laying eggs, taking dumps, and generally founding a civilization atop your scalp. Imagine your head turning against you, harboring the enemy, and the hair that you’re so proud of being used as cover. Imagine having a hundred acutely irritating roommates at the same time, and the room is your head.

For something like seven dollars I bought a bottle of anti-lice shampoo. I have so much hair, I’ll probably need the whole bottle; and then, when I use it a second time, in a week, to kill all the new bugs that have since hatched but before they lay new eggs, I’ll probably need another new bottle. And, every few days, I’ll need to comb my hair thoroughly with a plastic anti-lice comb that looks like a razor and will probably break if I ever try to use it on my entire head of hair. (I need a special, extra-strength, enormous brush for all my hair, as I have broken the handles off brushes several times while straightening out my locks. You might say my hair mats pretty well.) And, since I cannot see the back of my own head (though I’m sure it’s sexeh), it helps if I have somebody else do this.

I’ll have to swallow my pride and ask my brother–who generously lets me stay in his apartment for school as long as I need to–to spend an hour or two every few days picking bugs out of his beloved sister’s hair. (And bug eggs. Lice eggs–nits–are evil because they look like dandruff but stick to your hair.) That, or I will have to call the university health center (I’ll do this tomorrow) and find out if they have any anti-lice services. I would certainly hope that’s the case, since a lice outbreak is not in the campus interest; but this is Amurica, and we don’t practice preventative medicine here. Remember: if the government does it, and it saves the government and the people vast amounts of money, it’s bad.

(At my school, you have to pay for doctors’ appointments. I’ve heard the argument before that this is good, because it means people won’t sign up for unnecessary appointments and thus money is saved. That argument bothers me because the truth is that you want to encourage regular checkups–nobody likes going to the doctor, so it’s not like anyone will sign up for too many appointments–so that problems can be solved early, saving everyone lots of money. Ever wonder why our government spends more on healthcare than countries with universal coverage? …Yeah.)


  1. At least, from what I remember at OSU, the student health center wasn’t expensive.

    Amanda, OSU, 01

    Comment by Amanda — August 17, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

  2. Oh my! But your title had me snickerin’… 😉

    Comment by Riftgirl — August 17, 2008 @ 6:45 pm

  3. Amanda: I go to the University of Oregon, where they charge you for the air you breathe. Health center visits aren’t _expensive_, but they add up, especially if you are, you know, a _college student._

    Comment by Tina Russell — August 17, 2008 @ 8:27 pm

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